How can I put into words
this feeling of dread?
It is as though my heart has dropped down
falling, and falling
down into my stomach
I feel as though my entire world may crumble
blowing away in a million pieces
riding the wind like a dandelion.
My head is cloudy and filled with cotton
I can't concentrate
form a thought
I can't think clearly as though everything
everything is beyond my ability to understand.
My face burns with shame
my body aches with a longing to be held
and my soul yearns for wholeness.
My eyes water from pain
like a thousand knives swimming through my veins
taking with them my sanity, my hope
Drowning in self-doubt,
treading in my confusion, blinded by fatigue
weary from hardship,
sinking from the burden of guilt.
A fear of rejection,
A fear of affection,
that tug from within to open the doors,
to let the emotions flow
while the large stone barricade of the past
Keeps them tightly shut and locked.
Years of false hopes, false promises.
Decades of broken hearts and broken spirits.
Doubt flooding the mind,
Chaos taking over and nothing seems,
any longer
to make sense.
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